I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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