I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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