I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
