he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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