My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just blew my weed a kiss
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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