this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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