We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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