Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
