who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
