I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
