The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its liver damage thursday
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
