Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
