There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
