Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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