You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
