I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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