When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
