You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
