PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
