In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
