I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
