Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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