Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You may now shotgun with the bride
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
