I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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