The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
