bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
