everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
