Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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