apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
