Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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