i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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