My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
