I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
