I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
nutella sex= disaster
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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