This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
