I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
