idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
