Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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