his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
