I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
