this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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