We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
