after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
love makes seman taste better
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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