And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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