He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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