community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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