Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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