You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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