I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
