I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
