I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
