every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
