ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
