yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
