I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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