Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
