He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
