I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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